I work at a fucking gas station. Now, hold on. Don't you go and immediately label me as trash because of it, because I assure you I am not a failure. Here's the story:
I worked with the city at a daycare last year. I was employed caring for the kids after school, not during summer break, so once the school year ended, my job ended. I needed a job so I could keep throwing money into the college fund and just have money for Danzig CDs and cheeseburgers. My Mom knew a guy who owned a few gas stations, she hooked me up, and I got a job. This job is, for me, just the job I have while I'm in college and all that shit. I was in full-time university for the first semester before I realized what a fucking waste of time it was, then decided to drop out and go to college. Applied too late, didn't get in for the winter semester, so now I'm about a week into my online summer college course. I spent that free semester working forty hours a week because I had nothing better to do with my life. Now I'm in school and hoping to work with crackheads someday and help them not be crackheads. So no, I'm not a failure. This is just me working a minimum wage job while I'm in school, just like most of the other millions of college kids in the world. You wouldn't look down on me if I was working the register at a grocery store, so don't fucking look down on me cause I'm working the register at a gas station. You gotta be tough as fucking nails to handle this kinda work.
All my shifts are eight hours on my feet in steel-toe boots, dealing with the most incompetent fucking shitlords that my city has to offer. I serve junkies, hookers, street kids, creepy older men, people who can barely speak fucking English, drunk idiots, rude assholes... The whole nine yards. I love a lot of them, but some of them can go straight to hell.
The thing I hate most is when they try to crack jokes with me. The jokes are never ever ever funny and I've heard them eight million times. Now, most cashiers are a bunch of fucking pussies, and they'll tolerate this shit. They'll smile, fake a laugh, move on. Hell no. At a gas station, I don't need to be nice to you. I won't get fired if I make you uncomfortable by not tolerating your shitty joke. When you come up to me with a shitty joke, I shut it the fuck down.
Customer (in the middle of a rain storm): Lovely weather out there.
Me: That's subjective. Any gas today?
(Item does not scan)
Customer: Ha ha ha it must be free then!
Me: No. It's not.
(I check a bill to ensure it is not counterfeit.)
Customer: Ha ha ha just printed it this morning!
Me: (deep sigh) I check every single bill that enters this store because we're on the edge of the worst neighborhood in the city and I HAVE had people attempt to pass off counterfeits here. I do not discriminate I check every single bill and most people who have counterfeits do not realize it here's your change have a lovely day goodbye.
Some of them are completely fucking incompetent. One of my favorite stories is Car Wash Guy, as I call him. He comes in. A doddering elderly man whose appearance just screams to me that this will not be a fun transaction. He comes up to the cash.
"I'd like to buy a car wash."
"Sure thing! Which type of wash would you like?"
"A car wash."
I thought for a moment that perhaps he'd misheard me. "Which type of car wash are you interested in?"
"A car wash."
Eye twitch. "The different washes are listed right here, sir." I point at the sign right in front of me.
"A car wash."
"How about the top of the line wash?" I am encouraged to sell as many of these as possible, so this is my go-to suggestion.
"Uhh... sure."
"Alrighty, your total is X, just insert your card."
"Uhhh...."
"Right here." Point.
"Oh! Okay."
He inserts the card incorrectly and an error slip prints out. I hand him the slip. "That didn't go through, just a machine error, try that again."
He fucks it up again and another slip prints out. "That did not go through, just try that again." I say as I hand him the second slip.
He grabs both slips and walks out. I'm a little surprised, but figured that maybe he'd taken the wrong card and was embarrassed.
He came back in about a half hour later.
"Excuse me miss, sorry to bother you... But neither of these slips worked at the car wash." He says, and places his error slips on the counter.
I am blown away by human stupidity on a daily basis.
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